So obviously I haven't seen the new SATC movie. It doesn't come out here for another few days. But I have seen the previews, and a few leaked clips. And can I just say that ever since I heard that the retarded, drunk monkeys who apparently own the rights to this sinking ship had decided to make another movie, I've been on a roller coaster ride of emotion.
Yes, I saw the first movie (with my mum) and yes, it was kind of shit and full of gaping plot holes (Carrie's suddenly rolling in money, how? And more importantly, why?) but I gave it a pass because I loved - correction: love - the television series and obviously the movie wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. It was fun and sweet, the clothes were beautiful and whatever. It's Sex And The City. And when I got wind of a second one, I sorta knew it would suck but I was initially planning on just smoking a few bowls with my sister and going to see it anyway because, like I said, I love the television series.
But when I read this review something shifted inside of me. The reviewer had just described what it was, deep down, that had kind of been bugging me about the movie(s). It's that, for so long, I had been a defender of Sex And The City. Pointing out, again and again, to its critics (who usually didn't even watch the show) that it wasn't just shoes and gratuitous boning. That it was a funny, intelligent, sensitive, brilliantly scripted and shot representation of modern female sexuality and human relationships.
Like the episode where Steve breaks up with Miranda because she makes more money than him. Or the episode where Charlotte realises she may never be able to have a baby, at the same time that Miranda finds out she's pregnant and decides to have an abortion. Or the episode where Charlotte gets married and decides to stop working, and feels incredibly self conscious that she's starting to turn into “one of those women we hate”. Obviously, it was limited in that it only really dealt with the relationships of wealthy, white Manhattanites. And it shits me that Big was always a total prick to Carrie and yet she keeps going back to him. And eventually marries him (but not before he abandons her at the altar). But it was a good show, dammit.
But it seems that, with these movies, SJP and her gang of inexplicably fabulously rich “girls” are trying to prove all of the critics right. Saying that, “Yes, we're all vacuous imbeciles who measure a man's worth by his penis and wallet size”, “Yes, all we care about is shoes and cocktails”, “Yes, we diminish the complexity of, and objectify, representations of homosexual and minority characters and are totally classist”. Honestly, taking an all expenses paid trip to Abu Dhabi because marriage and motherhood is just too fucking hard to deal with? In the middle of a global financial crisis? That isn't escapism, it's insensitivity.
And what's even worse is that they're going to make a buttload of money out of it, so none of this will matter. They'll just cash their cheques and proceed to pinch off another steaming cinematic multimillion dollar turd. All of a sudden, I feel like the girl who always defended her drop kick boyfriend, only to turn around and find him sleeping with every pimply, chlamydia-ridden skank on the block. Like, dude, I was on your side! What are you doing??
So I for one, am not going to be a participant in this farce any more. SATC, I am breaking up with you. Because I love you too much to keep watching you destroy yourself, and I've got better things to spend my $15 and two and a half hours on.
Like the Crayon Fields gig tomorrow night, amiright????
