Monday, May 10, 2010

There's A Party In My Head And No-One Is Invited



What's up with the dog thing at the end? And why do Can videos always make me feel like I'm being indoctrinated in some way? And how awesome is Damo Suzuki? I can't get enough of that crazy hippie at the moment, I even downloaded the full twenty minute version of that song he did with Now. I can't remember the name of it because it blew my mind right out the window.

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I got so distracted complaining about Bondi's hipsters and people not calling me back yesterday that I forgot to talk about fashion week! Fashion week was hectic dudes, we were so inundated with invitations to shows and yacht parties and coke fueled model orgies that we were kind of paralysed into inaction. I had to fit out my house with new security screens to keep Jeremy Scott from breaking the fucking door down. "Ali!", he was screaming, "All you have to do is make an appearance, and then you can leave!! I'll pay for everything, I'll make sure that Camilla lady keeps her hands outside your clothes, just please show up! If these people don't see you at the party, it'll ruin me!!!!" That Susien Chong broad show was blowing up my inbox with an endless flood of texts. "Hey, hope 2 see u teh show LOL!", "why rnt u here yet??? :(" "show went well, u wuldve luvd it lolol :D". Ugh, the fashion crowd, they drive me up the wall.

No, that's a joke. We didn't get invited to anything. Not that I care or anything, I'm too much into burritos, beer and second hand clothes to mix very well with the fashion types. So yea, take that, fashion industry!

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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Blowing Every Time You Move Your Teeth

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Kind of digging Erin Nelson lately. How's your life? How was your weekend? Really? All night?? Well, gosh, I'm sure they'll call back. Mine was pretty dull by comparison. I got stuck in Bondi on Saturday night and reached a new level of hatred for the trendies who live there. Look at you in your fedora and $200 ksubi singlet, you're so real, man. So down to earth.

I've been (sporadically) toiling away at this interview thing and the wheels are in motion for a few new ones. But getting these musician types to return a phone call or reply to an email is like trying to nail jelly to a brick, or however that saying goes. It's an exercise in futility.I comfort myself in the knowledge that one day I'll be famous and then I'll be the one not calling people back. But enough of that noise. Y'know what I heard? I heard the chick who writes I'm Boy Crazy got a book deal. Which would be awesome. Somebody hook that guy Jason Crombie up with a book deal and I'll be one happy asshole.

Anyway, I've only had one cup of tea and I'm still in bed so I guess it's about time I stopped blogging and did something real with my day. Not that this isn't real. I mean, something I can pay my bills with. You know how it is, working for the man every night and day, etc etc. Enjoy your Mondays.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sorry.

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This time I really have been super busy. Do you think I enjoy thinking of you kids tuning in day after day (because I'm sure you check this blog religiously) and getting nothing but Selena Gomez's ugly head staring back at you for weeks? I don't. It's been burning me up inside. Just burning me up, I tell ya! But between uni assignments, my part time job and the million other things that keep me occupied day to day (mostly my Lost DVDs and googling Betty White) (that was a joke) (sorry), these side projects have to be put on the back burner for a while. But things are happening, don't fret.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Shit That Ain't Worth A Dick


I'm sick. As a dog. Which means that in the half hour it took me to create the above pictorial representation of my conviction that Selena Gomez is just a very clever hairless chipmunk in a black wig, six eighths of my laptop got covered in sweat and bile. I'll let that image soak in while you probably curse me out for not putting any real content in this post. Ingrates.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Rapids on Obsessions

You might still be recovering from your weekend of speed balls and freaky prostitutes. You might be on your way out the door to retrieve your car from the ditch you left it in last night when you had to flee the murderous Iranian man who's wife you'd just killed in a bout of ill advised drunk driving. Whatever you've been up to since Friday, it's Sunday now. Which means I won't be giving any kind of preamble or introduction to this interview. Because why? Because fuck off, that's why.

Not that this band (Rapids) really need an introduction. They're brilliant. Go to their myspace, you can download their EP for free. This interview is another email one, so it's kind of brief, but you know. That's the way it is sometimes.

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1. Do you think music is obsessive by nature? Is writing a song about something an act of obsession, or more of possession?

Sometimes when technical skills, musicianship and inspiration have failed us in the songwriting process, we turn to the Ouija board and ancient tribal medicine for answers. The out of body experiences that follow probably fall under the ‘possession’ umbrella.

2. Do you think our impulse to obsess over things should be indulged or denied? Why/Why not?

We’d like to tackle this on a case-by-case basis. There are those out there whose job it is to obsess over certain things, like climate change and how to fix it. This is a good obsession that should be indulged in. There are those who obsess over sex with midgets. We encourage people to draw their own line on that one.

3. If an obsession is mutual, do you think that makes it healthy? Or even more destructive?

Rapids love cake. But we also realize that cake cannot actually love us back with the same youthful vigor and mutual emotion. The day we believe otherwise will mark our spiraling descent into destructive obsession.

4. What are your thoughts on the sometimes obsessive relationship between musicians and their fans? Would this be inherently destructive because the fans' feelings can never be fully returned?

Mark David Chapman.

5. Do you think it takes a certain amount of self obsession to want to pursue a career in music? How do you feel about musicians being often lambasted for being narcissistic or self-indulgent?

Yes and no. We believe there are two personalities in music: there are those who concentrate on the music alone and shy away from the publicity that comes hand in hand with mainstream exposure. On the other hand, of course you have the musicians who use personality, image and ‘self obsession’ as a tool to further their career. Neither should be counted as more or less legitimate than the other, and it’s worth noting that sometimes bands with the biggest ‘personas’ are mild souls when off tour (The Hives enjoy gardening and living the quiet life when not on the road). An image is only an image, not necessarily the truth.

6. What are Rapids' current obsessions?

We’re obsessed with messing our house up until it can’t get any messier, then cleaning it until it can’t get any cleaner. It’s a weekly cycle. We also obsess over the current state of the summer cockroach invasion. This may or may not have a causal relationship with our previous obsession.

7. When do you think an obsession stops being healthy? Or is obsession never healthy?

Everyone has their own obsessions in life, both big and small. But when these obsessions start to take over, hindering a person from functioning normally and effectively in day-to-day life it might be time to take a step back and reevaluate the important things. Have you been paying your bills? Are you neglecting your wife? Are your obsessions driving you to taunt your own children and gamble your savings on cockroach races? You are not alone, and there is help out there.

8. What do you think it takes for a person to properly rid themselves of an obsession?

A good distraction and an expensive therapist.

9. Do you think an obsessive relationship is inherently hierarchical, with the obsessor on the bottom and obsessee on the top, or vice versa? Or is it more linear?

Of course it’s hierarchical. There are things that we want to do to people we obsess about that they would not want to do to us.

10. Where do you think obsessions come from? Some sort of fault in our personality? Do you think we use obsessions to fill the gaps in who we want to be, or how we see ourselves?

Obsessions come from the mystical Obsession Falcon. Like his close cousin, the Stork (where babies come from) the Obsession Falcon attacks your subconscious first, with his fierce talons and conceited beak. Before you know it your life is turned upside down and nothing else exists except for the vessel of your obsession. Beware that fucking bird, man.

Friday, April 16, 2010

100%

Oh, hi Internet. I forgot you existed for about a week there. I wish I could spin some bullshit about how busy I've been but I'm not in the habit of insulting my readers.

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Throw that in with a couple of Neil Young records, some whiskey, a cardigan or two and general inactivity and you've got a pretty accurate picture of my week. And a few days ago I got a copy of Showgirls on VHS which has been keeping me pretty busy, if you know what I mean (I mean sex). I know what you're thinking, and the term you're looking for is "Living The Dream", compadre.

Remember the other day how I said there were fresh interviews coming? I wasn't lying, they're coming. And from now on I'll pay more attention to the Can't Sleep readership, I really will. I'll take you out to dinner and ask you about your day. We'll sit on my couch and snuggle in front of a movie with a bottle of red wine while the rain beats rhythmically against the window pane. I might even take you to Perth to meet my parents, let's see where it goes.

So stick with me, I won't let you down.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

WTF

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First the Hopetoun and now this????????????? Somebody has to take a stand, friends. It can't go on any longer.